Will I ever hear the sound of someone calling me momma? It seems today like it will never happen. This is true life torture. If I can't grow a
uterus then there is no way it will ever happen.
Today's lining check didn't go well - again. I don't know what is going on. I have incredible endo pains today.
I did drink this weekend because it was my birthday but no more. Not one single drop. It just goes to show me that I have to be perfect to
make this work - it seems like all I can do is be perfect. What else can I change? I've changed so much. I'll do daily yoga, no drinking, no carbs,
Pom juice no stress.
It is so not fair.
I'd been thinking about wanting to buy something representative of this journey. Something kind of like a talisman that I could look at or wear that would remind me of where I'd like to be with a child someday. I found this and I originally paused to look at it because it is elephants and they are my favorite animal. But then when I looked further I realized the image spoke to me of a mamma going it alone with her little one. There it was! My talisman. I will hang it in my stairwell next to my bedroom so that at night when I go up to bed I see it and I fall asleep ready to manifest making my SMC dream come true. On a side note... I was in Toys R Us shopping for Christmas and I wandered over to the Baby's R Us part of the store. Every other time I've gone there in the past I dread it, I am riddled with anxiety and utterly uncomfortable when shopping for other people's little ones. I think "What am I doing here? I don't have a bloody clue about any of this ...
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